By Temitope Mary A

It is the rate at which people are getting divorce these days for me, which in legal terms is called “Dissolution of Marriage”. Honestly, I can say this is making me scared of Marriage,and I guess some of you are too.

When I was opportune to ask some divorcee why they divorced their man or woman, i got many but different reasons, and honestly, some reasons left me wondering how people would start as friends, then court each other for days which will then run into weeks, months, years, marriage, family hood, only for them to end up as strangers and opt for a divorce. Like is he/she not the person you promised yourself to love till the day you die. This is what I call “5 YEARS COURTSHIP: 5 SECONDS MARRIAGE”

As for the other reasons, I totally concur that getting the divorce was the right thing to do. I’ll share some of the reasons i got here, and I’ll be leaving them to you, to determine whether or not it was worth divorcing their spouse.

Let me start from the ones we got to know about, from social media, but before then,I can say that divorce cases in Nigeria is more than what you and I are seeing on social media, and I’m sure some of you can attest to this, one or two of us here have parents, relatives, friends, and even neighbours that are divorced or contemplating divorce.

When Dancer Korra Obidi’s husband, Justin Dean was commenting on his reason for wanting to get divorce after four years in marriage, he said his wife is not only a cheater but also a narcissist.

The couple met in China on this popular dating app, Tinder (this dating site eh). I can’t seem to get my hands on the particular year they met but they got married in December 2017, and are now blessed with two kids. On the 11th of March 2022, Justin Dean announced that he is filing for a divorce, that his wife cheats on him, and is a narcissist, and that he has been the only one trying to make the marriage work since 2018 (a year after their marriage)

Kim, after seven years in marriage, divorced her husband Kanye, on the 2nd of March 2022 on the ground that she was lonely with Kanye West and wanted more in common. She said she wants someone that they both have the same shows in common (I’m like just say you have found someone that you both share same shows in common.The story no clear)

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West first met in the early 2000s, but didn’t become official friends until 2008. The ex-couple began dating in 2011 and welcomed a daughter, North West, in June 2013. In May 2014, they tied the knot, after which they welcomed three more children. On January 5th 2021, we started hearing the rumour that they are ending their marriage, and on February 19th 2021, Kim filed for divorce. Finally, on March 2nd, Kim was declared legally single by the court amid divorce proceedings on one of the grounds for divorce in California – irreconcilable differences which have caused the irremediable breakdown of marriage.

Now, let me tell you two out of the real life divorce cases I lay my hands on

A man has been married to his wife for twenty years; this year would have made it twenty-one years, but the man opt for a divorce on the only ground for dissolution of marriage in Nigeria – that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.

He said while he was courting his wife in the 1900s, she told him she was of the same age as he was then, because he had told her that he can’t marry a woman older than him, and he married her in the year 2001. He said five years after marriage; they were still waiting for the fruit of the womb, and she was receiving treatment required for a 35 years old woman at that time, so that they could have a child of their own, and they did and are now blessed with two children

He went further that in 2021 he began hearing the rumour that his wife is five years older than he is. He said he confronted her about this, but she sworn, even in the presence of relatives, friends and pastors that she was not, but would not produce her birth certificate.

Finally, after persuasion and coercion particularly, when he left their home, she produced the birth certificate and it turned out that the woman was about seven years older than he is. He said that he cannot forgive her, nor can he continue the marriage with someone he no longer trusts, because now, he feels there must be other things she has lied about, and someone who could lie about her age medically. He said if something had went wrong as at the time she was receiving the treatment, he would have bear the cost.

The last story for the day is that of a young lady who has opted for a divorce, on the ground that the marriage had broken down irretrievably. She married her husband a pastor of a known church in this our beloved country in the year 2017, and presently their marriage is blessed with two kids.

She said ever since she has been married to the man, he has not been taking care of her nor does he care for the kids, especially in the financial aspect. She said her husband earns salary as a pastor, and as at the time when she knew his salary, he was being paid over a hundred thousand, but he does not provide for his family (and now she learnt he is being paid over two hundred thousand naira), and this has made her to become a family woman who does multiple jobs to provide for her and her kids. She claims her husband hides money in every nook and cranny of their home.

In addition, she said her husband beats her a lot, and always accuse her of being arrogant because she is working and earning money, and being promiscuous. She claims he has never been supportive of her working. She said whenever her mother visits, and wants to leave, she give her mother money lying that it was from her husband because she doesn’t want her family to dislike her husband: her family never wanted her to marry him.

She went further that what made her to take the final decision of opting for a divorce was that she was lucky to get her hands on her husband’s phone, and she saw that her husband had taken her nude pictures while she was asleep and sent it to a prophet with messages that the prophet should bound her so that she won’t leave him. Another time, she has found a calabash tied in red clothe with some strange substance and her picture in it.

Well, like I said earlier, I’m leaving you to determine whether these people reasons are enough to opt for a divorce. Other reasons that i was able to get my hands on were: lack of patience, not going for marriage counselling before marriage, dependency on the man, overburdening the man, rushing into the marriage, wrong advice from the wrong people, adultery by the woman etc.

You may add your own reasons too, but before I go, I would love to ask a question that has been on my mind “How do we curtail the high rate of divorce in our society?”